5 Essential Ways to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem
5 Essential Ways to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Self-confidence is the foundation of a person’s psychological health. However, it’s challenging to always be decisive and brave. Moreover, confidence, or adequate self-esteem, is a quality of an adult: standing firm, fighting for one’s rights and freedom, and being a support for others. But how can one become such an “adult” right from birth?
Understanding the Problem
Before boosting a child’s self-esteem, it’s crucial to understand why it falls and what consequences it leads to. Parental upbringing and the influence of close people (nannies, siblings, other relatives) shape a child’s self-perception. A young person doesn’t know themselves yet, so they will treat themselves as others treat them. Both a lack of parental love and an excess of it can lead to low self-esteem. While the former is logical and understandable, the latter can make a child grow up vulnerable and helpless—even a small taunt can deeply hurt them.
An insecure child often becomes weak, oppressed, or an outcast. However, sometimes, despite their upbringing, they may compensate for their insecurity by showing off or being belligerent. Inside, such a seemingly formidable child will feel emptiness and pain from the lack of love.
The Long-Term Impact
Years will pass, and the growing person will dive into adult life. They will struggle to stay afloat: merely staying on the surface will be difficult, let alone swimming towards a set goal. Success, recognition, a good career—all of this will seem like a fantasy to a person with low self-esteem. In their personal life, they will feel unworthy of attention and care, not to mention love. It will be hard to meet someone new or speak in front of a group, respond to an unfair reproach, or make a remark to someone. Fear of society, shame in front of others, self-blame for failures—a whole bouquet of psychological problems awaits the child.
The Role of Parents
Avoiding these issues is possible, and it starts with re-educating… future parents. Surprisingly, a child’s fate is determined when a man and a woman decide (or don’t decide) to become a father and mother. This decision affects whether the child will be wanted or unwanted. Of course, parental love (along with social and moral responsibility) can awaken after the baby is born. The key question remains: “Why does a woman want to give birth?” Among the many answers, there might be one like this: “To boost my own self-esteem through a being dependent on me.” Few would admit this honestly. However, a child’s psychological health begins with parents understanding their own shortcomings and problems.
Harmonious relationships in a couple are the key to the happiness of their offspring—this is an axiom known to all. It’s essential to fully realize this before deciding to have a child.
Practical Steps to Boost Self-Esteem
But what if the child is already born and suffers from excessive modesty? Remarkably, replacing incorrect upbringing with the right one will help the child cope with future problems and parents with their past ones. In other words, by teaching others something good, you “become better” yourself, unless you are a hopeless hypocrite.
Here are 5 essential ways to boost your child’s self-esteem:
Praise
This is standard: boys are often praised for their achievements, while girls are praised for their qualities. Boys develop, strive for success, and learn to be strong—they face a world of male competition. Girls are expected to be beautiful, tender, and maternal, so it’s important for them to feel their feminine nature from an early age.
For example, if a boy assembles a model ship and a girl prepares a salad, the emphasis should be different. For the boy: “What a complex model! You’ve improved since last time; your skills are growing. Now you can handle an even more complex task.” For the girl: “You are an amazing hostess, and you made the salad with love.”
Motivation
Teaching children independence is the main task of parents. It doesn’t matter whether they are raising a boy or a girl. It’s important to remember the right motivating thoughts and words: “You can do it!” “You are capable!” “You are ready!” “You will definitely succeed!” If parents themselves understand that their child is their reflection, then everything will gradually fall into place.
A destructive idea of an insecure parent: “If I can’t do it, then my child certainly can’t! I’ll have to do everything for them.” This sounds paradoxical, but it’s a fact: the parent is convinced that the child should not be self-confident! The parent overcomes themselves, does everything for the child, thinking they are setting a good example. But in reality, they are just trying to assert themselves.
A healing idea of a confident parent: “If I can do it, then my child can too!” Thus, the parent not only motivates but also sincerely wants to teach, help, and guide. Moreover, the child may be able to do something better than the parent, and this requires honest recognition: “Well, buddy, you’ve outdone me! Well done!”
Communicating with the Child as an Equal
A child’s material dependence on their parents is obvious, and it is framed in the idea of “we selflessly help you.” Other ideas, such as “you can’t live without us” or “we save you with our love from the evil world,” are unacceptable and form psychological dependence. Therefore, communication with the child will not be equal: parents are the bosses, and the child is the subordinate. Their self-esteem will immediately drop to zero. The sooner parents start perceiving the child as a separate individual with their own desires, the better for everyone. And, of course, one should not go to the other extreme, where the child becomes the “boss” and all relatives cater to them.
Avoid Comparisons
Comparisons are inevitable, but they should be made without humiliating the child. If someone is better than them in one thing, they will be better in three other things. Criticizing, let alone insulting the child, is unacceptable. Instead, teach them to respond adequately to the taunts of other children. No one should cross the child’s personal boundaries without permission and especially with bad intentions. To boost self-esteem, help the child establish these boundaries and defend them.
Developing Talents
When communicating with the child, parents need to understand what they love most and what they want to do. A child whose talent is supported and bears fruit will have healthy self-esteem. Only those who have no favorite activities seek solace in gadgets.
Parents can enroll the child in various clubs and sections, but with the condition: “If you don’t like it or get bored, be sure to tell us.” Under no circumstances should the child be forced to attend a club. To boost self-esteem, acting or vocal courses where one has to perform on stage, as well as some sports sections that teach not only how to win but also how to lose, are suitable. It’s important to find a wise coach and a sensitive teacher. Children find it hard to cope with losses in competitions, but this will allow parents to further temper the child’s character and instill the will to win.
A self-confident person will never boast about their confidence. A child’s proper self-esteem is not about being the best at everything but about being unique, with their special talents and abilities.
For further reading, consider this resource on parenting from the American Psychological Association.
