5 Clear Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage
5 Clear Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage
While some may argue that a marriage certificate is merely a formality, starting to live together is much simpler than getting married. Readiness for marriage isn’t determined by age or the number of years spent together. Before making this significant decision, it’s crucial to set aside fantasies about a gorgeous dress and a beautiful ceremony, and instead, analyze your behavior within the relationship. Here are some signs that might indicate you’re not quite ready for marriage.
You Crave More Autonomy
We all need personal space, but in a family, it’s essential to find a balance between individual interests and the relationship. Staying true to your desires while being able to compromise is a delicate act. If your life feels like a constant battle for independence and you’re not ready to yield, perhaps you’re not ready to be tied down by marital bonds.
Being single means doing what you want, when you want. However, these days end when you get married. One of the challenges of marriage is learning to let go of selfish ways and follow scenarios where you can’t always get what you want. If you’re not ready to compromise, you’re not ready for marriage.
As noted by psychiatrist and relationship expert Dr. Ayo Gating,
Being single means doing what you want, when you want. But these days end when you get married. One of the challenges of marriage is learning to let go of selfish ways and follow scenarios where you can’t always get what you want. If you’re not ready to compromise, you’re not ready for marriage.
You Don’t Discuss Finances
Your attitude towards material values can reveal a lot about your relationship. If you’re not ready to share your financial details with your partner, it might indicate a lack of trust.
If you haven’t talked to your partner about money, you’re not ready to get married. The reason is that money is one of those taboo topics in our society that we usually don’t discuss. But how we relate to money and its spending reflects our values. And partners who haven’t discussed this aren’t ready to move into the next sphere of commitment.
As clinical psychologist Ben Michaelis emphasizes,
If you haven’t talked to your partner about money, you’re not ready to get married. The reason is that money is one of those taboo topics in our society that we usually don’t discuss. But how we relate to money and its spending reflects our values. And partners who haven’t discussed this aren’t ready to move into the next sphere of commitment.
You don’t have to force yourself to share bank account passwords with your partner if you feel you’re not ready. Stop and think about why you’re not rushing to be open about financial matters.
You Have Secrets
One of the most crucial aspects of long-term relationships is absolute trust. If you feel compelled to hide something from your partner due to fear of judgment, you shouldn’t rush into marriage. Excuses like “I’m protecting his feelings” are signs of emotional immaturity, not care.
According to family therapist Shadeen Francis, it’s important to find a balance between private life and honest relationships:
While you always have the right to privacy, striving for marriage without transparency may indicate that you’re not ready to deepen emotional intimacy in your relationship.
You Think Divorce Is Simple
Marriage is not just a declaration of love for someone but also a legal partnership that will significantly impact your life, especially if children are involved. Therefore, you shouldn’t view starting a family as an experiment that can always be ended with a divorce.
If you find it easier to decide on a wedding with the thought, “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce,” it means you’re already doubting your readiness to take on serious commitments.
Yes, divorce is indeed possible, and fortunately, we’re not in the 17th century where the only legal reason to dissolve a marriage was infidelity. But those who have gone through this unpleasant procedure know how difficult such a breakup can be.
You Have Doubts About Your Partner
There’s only one reason to get married – you want to be with this person and create a family with them. If you have doubts or other reasons, such as pressure from relatives, reconsider your decision.
Clinical psychologist Sara Williams emphasizes that marriage should not be a way to solve problems:
Some people are motivated to get married to fix something in their life or solve problems in the relationship. You can’t expect someone else to save you, and it’s very likely that current problems will continue in the marriage.
Additionally, getting married out of fear of hurting your partner or a desire to please someone will only lead to disappointment.
Don’t rush to say “yes” to a proposal just because you’re afraid of ruining the evening. External wedding attributes or the opinions of others should not overshadow your own desires. Start trusting each other, discuss future plans, and ask what each of you expects from life outside of marriage.
