10 Signs You’re Feeling Lust, Not Love

Passion ignites quickly but can fade just as fast. If you’ve been seeing someone for a while and feel that the spark has dimmed, or your relationship isn’t what you envisioned, it might not have been a true relationship to begin with. What you might be experiencing is lust, which isn’t built to last forever. To help you understand your feelings, we’ve compiled 10 signs that you might be feeling only physical attraction to your partner, and that love isn’t in the picture. Decide for yourself whether to walk away and seek new relationships or give your passion a chance to grow into something more.

1. Your Relationship Revolves Around Sex

If your relationship is built solely on physical desire rather than genuine feelings, the primary motivation for being together might just be sex and everything related to it. This means that all the sweet things you do for each other ultimately lead to the bedroom, not to strengthening an emotional bond. Love is different. People in love cherish any time spent together and value everything their partner wants to share, even if it seems mundane or ordinary at first glance.

2. Your Feelings Are Based on Appearance

If you’re feeling lust rather than love, physical attractiveness—both yours and your partner’s—will be paramount. You dress to seduce, stay in shape to attract physically, and constantly worry about whether you’re good enough. You expect the same from your partner. This isn’t about self-improvement for your own sake but about achieving a goal: having sex with someone you find attractive. For people in love, who a person truly is matters more than how they look, even though physical attractiveness isn’t forbidden.

3. Your Partner Seems Flawless

Physical desire can make you live in an illusion where your partner, as an object of desire, appears in an entirely unrealistic light. You might imagine all sorts of wonderful qualities simply because you’re physically attracted to them. You can’t judge objectively and overlook the real virtues and flaws of the person you’re with or want to be with. While making a good impression is important, love thrives on sincerity and loving each other for real qualities, whatever they may be.

4. There Was No ‘Friendship’ Stage

Not all happy couples start as friends, but there’s a reason this stage is significant. Those whose romance began solely because of sex might still be together for the same reasons. For many couples, friendship helps build an emotional connection before realizing there could be something more. But if your interest ends outside the bedroom, deep feelings might still be lacking.

5. You Don’t Really Know Him

Relationships based solely on sex can be thrilling. There’s passion, mystery, and excitement, with no strings attached. But to be considered a couple, emotions alone aren’t enough. In love, you don’t feel like the person in your bed is a stranger. If you know nothing about your partner’s friends, family, or even their general state of mind, it’s likely just passion between you, which will either fizzle out or grow into something more if you both put in the effort.

6. You’re Embarrassed About Your Problems

In true love, it’s normal to share your doubts, fears, and worries, even if you’re not entirely confident about doing so. A loving person can understand and accept any truth and assure you that it’s okay to trust them and that feeling this way is normal. If your relationship is only about sex, emotional intimacy and support aren’t part of the equation. This is why you might worry about your partner finding out about a secret you’re not ready to share. Each of you might feel that your problems are an unnecessary burden that will kill the romance.

7. There’s No Intimacy

Even if you spend all your free time having sex, it doesn’t mean you’ve automatically achieved intimacy. Intimacy isn’t about sex; it’s about trust, protection, and emotional attachment to your partner. In love, you can spend time with your partner and feel tenderness and excitement in every moment, even if there’s nothing sexual about what you’re doing.

8. You Don’t Have Commitments

For those seeking a fleeting romance, relationships based solely on lust are a great option because they don’t involve commitments. If you don’t feel like you consider your partner’s feelings and desires when making decisions, or if concepts like ‘monogamy’ and ‘faithfulness’ don’t exist between you, you might only feel passion for your partner. The difference between these relationships and those based on love is that love can last a long time, while passion can fade as soon as you meet someone more attractive.

9. You Don’t Plan a Future Together

Casual sex interests women just as much as men. But if you’re not inclined to deeply analyze your relationships, you can understand that your relationship is only about sex if you have no plans for the future with your partner or don’t see a future together at all. Relationships based on true intimacy develop only when each of you starts to include the other in your life. If you don’t do this and don’t want to, enjoy the emotions that your passion brings.

10. Sex Has Become Boring

Ironically, in relationships built only on sex, sex can eventually become boring. It’s not that you’ve both become bad in bed or lazy; it’s just that without intimacy, commitment, trust, and attachment, your spark has faded. It’s like listening to the same song on repeat. At first, it seems like there’s no greater pleasure, but eventually, the song makes you sick. The same goes for relationships based only on lust. Sooner or later, you’ll want something new, even if not a serious relationship, at least new sex with a new person.